Seeking God through Closed Doors.

Jeremiah 29: 11-13 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

I was a high school English teacher for many years; I never considered administration. As my passion broadened towards teachers and my daughter’s college plans coming quickly, I started thinking more about a career change. Time for me to make some moves. God helps those who help themselves, right?

I would need to do something I said I would never do, go back to school. Three years total back to back in order to earn a Masters degree and a Specialist degree. Plus, a potential school change to get a position in training for administration. My kids and I drove over an hour one way to our school district; this would be a big change.

I was able to complete all my classes online while working full-time. Of course, this would be the when my daughter decides to cheer; I coached her cheer squad too. This would all be worth it in the end, right?! Right!

Plans seemed to be falling into place. I completed my education and certification. After changing schools and position, I was now an assistant administrator. The promotion would come the following year; so would college. My move into administration seemed to be nothing more than procedure; my boss promised the position to me numerous times. I was really excited. I knew this is what God had planned for us!

I did not get the job. I was devastated. The news came after so many other total heartbreaks. My daughter would be starting college in a few months. My mind was blurred with emotion, financial responsibility, and exhaustion. I did not understand. God? Isn’t this what we planned? I had prayed about this.

I was lost. The school districts near my house did not pay nearly as well as where I worked. We drove so far for my daughter and son to have a better education. My son, well, I no longer needed to drive him to school anymore. He made a different choice. Heart. Broken.

I had a choice. Remain in my same position at the same pay or look for a new position in another school district for a small raise. I was in one of the highest paying school districts; changing jobs would not compare to the salary I would have had.

I changed school districts in order to begin my career as a high school administrator. Looking back, I now realize this was the beginning of the end of my education career. Over the next 5 years, I would work in 3 different school districts, serve as a middle school administrator, English teacher (3 different classrooms + 3 different grade levels), and high school administrator (2 different offices).

In June of 2023, the education door closed.

My father had recently passed away. Both of my husband’s parents had recently passed away. I was dealing with ongoing family issues…the hurt was indescribable. Great timing.

What now? Look for a window? I am TIRED. Exhausted is more like it. Have you ever just wanted to give up? I mean, REALLY give up. I did. I felt betrayed; betrayed by everyone that had ever expressed any care for me except for a very small handful of people. If I am truly honest, I think I wondered if God really cared. Maybe I deserved this. Maybe I was being punished.

Looking back, I can see so clearly. These plans, they were MY plans. I didn’t ask God what HIS plans were for ME. I didn’t invite HIM in to the process. I wanted what I wanted.

God never stopped loving me or caring for me. But, He did want my life to be honoring to Him. He did want me to be in a place that I could serve Him. He does have plans for me to prosper. Plans for me to be renewed and restored through HIM. Before I could understand that, He had to move me. If I had not been so frustrated, I would not have sought Him so much. If I had not felt so betrayed by family, heart sick with hurtful situations, I would not have sought Him so much. If I had not had so many doors closed, I would not be writing this right now. The key in all of this is me. Whatever I do, I need to seek God first and honor Him.

Jesus wants this for you too. His desire is for you to choose Him. You are the daughter of a King! No matter what we do; His mercy is more forgiving and is His grace is greater than any of our sin.

My prayer for you is this…Remember to seek God first, always. If you are feeling alone, hurt, unsure of your next move – seek God. He is there for you, to comfort you. Know that He can see your eternity. Trust Him. Allow whatever you may be going through to grow you, and to be for His honor. Start your day with Him. Ask Him each day what you can do to serve Him. He so wants to build relationship with you.

Jeremiah 29:11-13 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.